Sunday, May 17, 2009

A lot of mixed emotions right now...

Well, I got what I needed from my pastor. He signed his name to a recommendation form so that I could be a non-degree seeking M.Div student at Liberty University in their online format. I could tell he was a little ambivalent about the format of the form (he thought it was a little vague) but he went ahead and checked the "I can fully recommend..." and signed his name. I'm very happy that I can at least explore this to see where it leads (becoming a pastor is not a decision that should be made overnight) but at the same time there is a part of me that has a sense of wistfulness and yes, sadness, for the fact of what I more than likely must do: leaving the way that I was, my old dreams, even my old fears, as well as the fact that I identified myself as a person who taught school. I will miss my teaching career. Does that make me selfish? I'm not sure, but I have to also explore that it may not be God's will for me to be a teacher in the sole sense of the word. I did believe at one time that I was called to be a pastor, and if it's God's will (which I am exploring right now) then I believe that He doesn't change his mind. I need to lean on Him and do the best I can for Him in the pastorate when the time comes.

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