Monday, May 04, 2009

Still looking for discernment...

*****Read on and I will explain the Dr. Pepper bottle here in just a little bit*****

When I started this blog, I purposefully decided that I would not include too much about myself in here because I believe that the purpose of this blog beyond all the mishmash of jokes, stories, song lyrics, funny pictures, and other things was to glorify God and to help people. However, I would like to say that I am still looking for discernment on why I feel the need to eventually become a pastor. (see the calling or catharsis post much earlier for more on this) If you have come across this blog and come from an evangelical Christian perspective, and have went through this process or know someone who has went through this process, I would greatly appreciate your prayers for this time in my life. I had a very interesting conversation with my current pastor tonight. We discussed a lot of things, but we mostly discussed we were at right now and how close I could have came this year to having a failed marriage, destroying myself, and/or generally ruining my life. If you have read the earlier introductory post on this you would know that I have had a year so difficult that would peel paint off of the walls. Here is basically what is on my heart right now: I have had an EXTREMELY difficult past 2-3 years...I have been through depression, car accidents, panic attacks, alcoholism, bitterness, rejection from all kinds of people in my previous career, and many other potentially fatal and poisonous things to the spirit of serving the Lord Jesus Christ. In other words, yes, I have been through the ringer. That being said, I still believe in my eventual call to be a pastor. This is a conviction I have that is not going to go away. I believe that I can, at some point, be of assistance to people that have had these struggles because of my life experiences. However, there was some very important things that my pastor told me that I think would be beneficial to me not just as a future pastor, but as a person and as a husband. I think that the best thing that I can do at this moment is to continue to serve Him and like the Dr. Pepper can at the top of this post, to "let it settle". In other words, this very painful year has shook my can up, and I need to not open it right away. I do think that I have a lot to be thankful for. April has been a wonderful, wonderful partner to me and has stuck with through a lot of things blowing up in my face. I think that I will focus on being a good husband and will play it by ear with all of the other things. I do know that as a part of my dicernment process I will be a non-degree seeking student at one of these online Bible Colleges, but the most important thing right now is taking care of the little things and remembering that "he who has began in good work in you will continue it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Paraphrase of Phillippians 1:6) When and if the day comes that I will be a pastor leading a church somewhere, I can be confident that God will have molded me into an individual worthy of this awesome responsibility and calling. For now, however, the best thing to do is to look after the little things. If you come across this blog, I would appreciate your prayers for me in this area.


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