Atheism Cartoon

I am Napoleon! (joke)

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another patient asked, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

Another oldie but a goodie (Joke)

Three pastors were having lunch in a diner.

One said, "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away."Another said, "Me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since!"

A Funny Joke for all you college professors out there...

Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University
1. He only had one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt He wrote it Himself.
6. It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating His results.9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, He deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say He had His son teach the class.
14. He expelled His first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

Time for another Joke

***the original Patch Adams***

This joke will also address the atheism/theism debate that I blogged about a few posts ago, and here it is:



One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened patiently to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest."
The man replied, "Okay, great!"
But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"

New joke for y'all....

Not sure how theologically correct this is, but it gave me a laugh so I'll post it anyway...

A dedicated Christian man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church.
Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Pastor went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Preacher asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Pastor," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

This Picture is just too funny.....

I just had to post this...it made me crack up. Enjoy!




I'm going to have to come out as a Duran Duran fan also I guess!

Another funny Christian joke....

Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"Jack replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I almost never see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

Jack whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

Chargoggagoggmanchaugg- agoggchaubunagungamaugg

Jibberish you say? Not necessarily. This is the name of a lake in Massachusetts that according to some is misspelled (!) Apparently (or not so apparently, as it looks from the name of the lake), the name had an "o" at letter 20 where a "u" should have been, and an "h" at letter 38 where an "n" should go. Boy, I'm glad they cleared this up!


Here's the link:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30312971/?GT1=43001

Bad Bible Jokes

Some more levity would be good right now...

Q: What was the secret of Delilah getting into Samson’s house?
A: She picked his locks.

Q: Why didn’t Pharaoh let the Israelites go into the wilderness after the first six plagues?
A: He was in de Nile.

Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
A: He didn’t want to split hairs.

Some Good Christian one-liners

I came across these yesterday and thought I would share them before I go to bed...they're really neat!

Xstian "one liners" < son0fyah > 03/23 22:24:26


Don't let your worries get the best of you;
Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, But mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.

People are funny;
they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If a church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.

We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until
he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches;
What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members singing
'Standing on the Promises'
Are just sitting on the premises.

Be ye fishers of men.
You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.

Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross,
not the curve.

God loves everyone,
But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit'
over 'religious nuts!'

God promises a safe landing,
not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!

little bit more levity...

This picture reminds me of a supervisor I once had...

signs that you blog too much

Okay, okay time for a little levity here....In grand David Letterman fashion, here are the top ten signs that you blog too much:

#10: You have to turn back on your way to the airport because you forgot to "tell" your blog you were going away.

#9: You think Nike should make a shirt that says "just blog it."

#8: You would buy that shirt.

#7: You keep a blog ideas notepad by your bed and got to bed early just to write in it.

#6: Your listening to the travel news and get excited by the phrase "heavy traffic".

#5: You've got more "blog friends" then real friends.

#4: You can't remember what you did last week without consulting your blog.

#3: Under the hobbies section of your online dating profile you put "googling myself."

#2: You think LSD is something to do with RSS or XML.

#1: You finish reading this and go make a post with your own additions ;-)